2022 was a challenging year but also such a significant year in my life. So many changes in just 365 days; boundaries were set, relationships were redefined, job titles were shifted and through it all life…just moved on. My goal was to blog more in 2022 but February hit and I struggled to create and felt like I had nothing exciting or inspiring to say because my life felt like it was falling apart and just over a year later it still honestly feels that way at times. I was embarrassed for being transparent about my current reality and feared what people were thinking - so much so that it absolutely consumed me and debilitated me internally. So I did what I do best per my therapist; avoid it at all costs lol. But I realized I couldn't start the healing process until I began to finally address my reality (s/o to my sponsors - therapy and anxiety medication) and actually sit in my shit and do the work to lean into my new future. I personally never thought that I would be where I am at this moment at age 30, but I do have to say I have never been more excited for what is to come. Whatever that may be.

Quitting social work in 2021 was probably one of the best decisions I made for so many reasons both personally and professionally. That change in my life allowed me to take the time that I needed to regain confidence, independence and community as well as heal from significant trauma that I carried from my childhood and early adulthood. I truly do believe that the universe takes care of us and things fall into place where they need to no matter what. Being one of the managers at ONX + Amelia was one of the most life changing experiences in my life - I connected with people that I never would have otherwise and the O+A community gave me a sense of purpose that I never knew existed. It brought me closer to both my purpose and my people in ways that I could have never imagined. I learned some incredibly hard lessons that were the most painful to experience but also needed for me to grow. And this time, instead of isolating and running away, I leaned into the lessons, said a lot of sorry’s, gave myself grace and accepted where things were. By doing this, I feel like I landed exactly where (I think) I am supposed to be. For now anyways.

I worked at O+A for a full year before making the decision to go back into social work part time where my career first began; St. John’s Hospital. I honestly will NEVER be a full-time social worker again because I have too much respect for myself to go through that again lol but being part time has allowed me to find more work/life balance and do more of what I am most passionate about; teaching fitness and staying with a community that has helped me grow into a version of myself that I love so much. Confidence is something new that I carry into 2023 and the new me that I wake up to each morning is someone I continuously am proud of regardless of the fuck-ups that still constantly happen.

Life has changed so much since January 2022 and I am still needing time to digest what the fuck even happened. Though I am trying to navigate seeking the positives and lessons in each challenge that presents itself - I think what I struggle with the most right now is grieving what I thought my life was going to be. Because I am nowhere near the image in my head of what I thought my life would be at 30. The word grief carries a lot of meaning for me. While we often have a negative connotation with grief and it is generally viewed as a thing nobody wants to go through - grief has brought me clarity in times that felt so suffocating and lonely and I realized how important each step in the grief process truly is for healing.

Though every birthday, month, week or even morning can be a fresh start - there is something about a new decade that makes this fresh start that much more exciting. Here is to more pain and healing, grief and the steps that come with it, growth both mentally and spiritually, clarity and abundance. Let’s make some memories, 30.

ily,

B

Songs on repeat: Friday Night by Orbit, Forever in My Mind by COY and (of course) 2 Much by Justin Bieber